Relinquished
What you think or believe to be me was of the past and that scares me. I'm unable at this point to pin point my problem this unhappiness that spreads through my soul like a wild fire knowing that everything isn't at my disposal including a grip on reality. Perhaps I've coaxed myself in to thinking that I needed a change , when in reality it could of just been the people around me. There's no going back and that scares me. Why does every decision have to be final? I'm afraid to hurt the people I care for with the truth, but then again what do I care of what they think about my choices they don't have to live with it. Now I clearly see why judgment isn't ours to give out. I'm not alone I'm almost sure of it that there are other's like me out there and I feel no need to find you and communicate with you because you might just bring to light my defect.................. You are me.
It's so much harder to face reality than it is to face fantasy and maybe, perhaps that's how people go insane. I feel nothing anymore I wish I did but instead I'm empty and I can't quit say that's a feeling for it's really nothing. I won't sacrifice my soul over this. I just want to feel like others and this is my plead for you to hear me. If I fall now will you catch me shield me from my destructive self. Don' t make the choices mine anymore I can't bear the thought of letting myself down once again. With more disappointment comes my slowly fading far away. There are times that I should be crying and I just sit there staring blankly ahead doing nothing, feeling nothing, it's nothing wondering why the tears just won't release it's self from my soul instead of stifling me. Perhaps if I just let my self feel give in to my emotions and let the world know that I 'm just like them able to feel I wouldn't be so unhappy. Yet I try and separate myself front the world choosing not to feel in front of them in fear of rejection, prejudication and persecution. The tragedy is my life, for I care to much to be in it, breath in it, live in it and take part of it. Unfortunately the decisions in life are all mine to make, screw up, manipulate, contemplate, reciprocate and devastate others with. I can chose this day to wallow in myself pity or I can chose this day to see life in a different aspect...................... Taking it on straight a head no smoke screams, cover ups, sugar coatings or anymore lies just as it is dealing with the fact that nothing is ever perfect and that's okay. I chose not to live my life by the fairy tales given to us in books or movies. I now know that I poses the ability to do something better, i'm now looking to the future to guide me leaving my past as a memory at last.
It's so much harder to face reality than it is to face fantasy and maybe, perhaps that's how people go insane. I feel nothing anymore I wish I did but instead I'm empty and I can't quit say that's a feeling for it's really nothing. I won't sacrifice my soul over this. I just want to feel like others and this is my plead for you to hear me. If I fall now will you catch me shield me from my destructive self. Don' t make the choices mine anymore I can't bear the thought of letting myself down once again. With more disappointment comes my slowly fading far away. There are times that I should be crying and I just sit there staring blankly ahead doing nothing, feeling nothing, it's nothing wondering why the tears just won't release it's self from my soul instead of stifling me. Perhaps if I just let my self feel give in to my emotions and let the world know that I 'm just like them able to feel I wouldn't be so unhappy. Yet I try and separate myself front the world choosing not to feel in front of them in fear of rejection, prejudication and persecution. The tragedy is my life, for I care to much to be in it, breath in it, live in it and take part of it. Unfortunately the decisions in life are all mine to make, screw up, manipulate, contemplate, reciprocate and devastate others with. I can chose this day to wallow in myself pity or I can chose this day to see life in a different aspect...................... Taking it on straight a head no smoke screams, cover ups, sugar coatings or anymore lies just as it is dealing with the fact that nothing is ever perfect and that's okay. I chose not to live my life by the fairy tales given to us in books or movies. I now know that I poses the ability to do something better, i'm now looking to the future to guide me leaving my past as a memory at last.
posted by Hopeful at 1:32 AM
3 Comments:
Brokeness is a reality of our fallen nature... sometimes we try to make ourselves strong or ignore all the brokeness to convince ourselves we're fine.
But it's just enough to be strong, in all the broken places.
If we were to rely on faith tonight.
It is easier to pretend we're fine then face the facts.
Everything you say here is true true true:)
I prefer to think of my life as a comedy with a few tragic moments but today i'm lying here staring at the ceiling feeling like i have a 50 pound dumbel weighing down my chest. All my friends are next door... I can hear their voices... but I can't seem to bring myself to join them. Spent my whole life putting smiles and laughter on peoples faces... don't even think I can make myself smile today. On this dark day... this comedy seems to have turned into a tragedy.
Post a Comment
<< Home