The Way Back

I don't know how it's possible that I've wondered so far from God. How my light has dimmed out from the one that has never turned his back on me. No this isn't one of those sites where I sit here and say repent now for the world is at and end, for you see I believe everyone should have an opinion whether they believe in God or going to church, and I respect that. However for me personally I feel like I didn't do everything in my powers to hang on to God and what he stands for. I grew up in the church but some how that dimmed out cause there are to many people in there that were ready to judge me and make my life come to everyone's attention around them as oppose to just focusing on their not so stable life. They obviously don't know that when they're quick to point the finger, three point back at them.
I haven't been to church in lord knows how long but I still abide by my religion cause it's all I've known since I was young. I also think it is a possibility that I didn't try hard enough at keeping strong, like my mom always says you don't need to go to church to worship God you can do it from your very home. I sing in a church choir of the same religion different church, but I go to practice yet I don't find myself at any of the places where we are suppose to sing or church it's self. I wonder because of my slowly slipping away from God has it cost me happiness in my life? Sure I have the temporary happiness, I've gone and still do go to bars on occasions but in the end which is this present moment it's like I'm over that phase and I find myself standing all alone cause no one can relate with me. If I turn to the church they look down on what I've done and if I turn to my friends most of them aren't religious and don't understand what I'm going through. My friends are still there enjoying themselves and I'm there thinking why do I still do this. No it's not because I search for approval among my group of friends it's just that there isn't much else to do that I could call fun. It's like I want to give up this life I have now and turn back to when my life as a child was innocent and the choices weren't mine to screw up.
I know that the present is my destiny and the past I can not change, so I shouldn't sit here regretting anything that I've done for the mere fact that everything was suppose to happen due to destiny, and destiny is what shapes the person we are today. The past is what helps us face the future, it's what enables us to move on from where we've screwed up or left off.
I have faith in myself to make the right judgments and choices in my future, but what I fear is my capability to stick by them. If one doesn't have morals then where does the line fall between things being acceptable and non acceptable?
I don't fear for one second that God is with me and hasn't turned his back on me, for I've done a lot of stupid things where it could have gone wrong, but only by the grace of God he didn't let anything happen to me. I believe I'm still here for the mere reason that my mission on earth isn't complete. I try to understand why I value life so much as oppose to time, for time is what prolongs life. I've yet to come up with something but when I do you'll be the first to know.
I believe that the future holds change and that change within it's self is never limited but endless of possibilities and that our faults aren't entirely to be blamed on us but the fact that destiny is what guides us whether we embrace it or not.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for the road that lies a head but I pray Lord that you will forgive my sins............. For I know that my journey will lead me back to you.