Life

This is life huh? Our mere existence is base upon whether we chose to get out of bed or sit there in our unbathe skin and soak in the aroma of the morning pouring through our windows. Perhaps life has more to offer but we just settle for the minimum everyday, not caring to know what else is there beyond our comfort zone. Sometimes not knowing seems better and maybe that's why today when I look at the youth and the world seeing how lazy they've become embedding themselves in this so called routine filled with emptiness, it surprises me on how one could not reach out for something more. What is it about our comfort zones that we aren't willing to let go of? Isn't the whole point of coming out of the comfort zone to experience something out of the norm, unusual,and sensational? Something that will give our lives a boost from it's usual slow routinely passe?
How is it that people see themselves in this slow passe life forever, some how claiming it to be stability? Stability is a word that means many things for stability is within the reach of change. Only absent minded people stay in one spot and the inspired move on without them. Who knows maybe in some cases a change in routine will cause one to gain proper stability or even a better understanding of what a routine change can do in one's life.
This so called routine everyone likes to take is consuming the way for change in our life. Live a little take a different route to work, eat something other than cereal in the morning and maybe instead of coffee to wake you up go to bed early etc... Drastic changes aren't need to make change it's the little things in life that can be the most harmful if we don't change it. Change depends on the persons ability to be motivated and for how long.
Have you ever wonder how someone gets bored? I believe it's the result of not letting the mind expanded into other possibilities out side of their routine. Our life doesn't live around planning everything down to the last moment so that we'd know where we stand, leave a little room to be spontaneous. When we chose to forever hold on to our routine we become stagnant and robotized. I believe to fear change is to fear the future, and to fear the future is perhaps ones choice but we would probably be better off to embrace it.

The Way Back

I don't know how it's possible that I've wondered so far from God. How my light has dimmed out from the one that has never turned his back on me. No this isn't one of those sites where I sit here and say repent now for the world is at and end, for you see I believe everyone should have an opinion whether they believe in God or going to church, and I respect that. However for me personally I feel like I didn't do everything in my powers to hang on to God and what he stands for. I grew up in the church but some how that dimmed out cause there are to many people in there that were ready to judge me and make my life come to everyone's attention around them as oppose to just focusing on their not so stable life. They obviously don't know that when they're quick to point the finger, three point back at them.
I haven't been to church in lord knows how long but I still abide by my religion cause it's all I've known since I was young. I also think it is a possibility that I didn't try hard enough at keeping strong, like my mom always says you don't need to go to church to worship God you can do it from your very home. I sing in a church choir of the same religion different church, but I go to practice yet I don't find myself at any of the places where we are suppose to sing or church it's self. I wonder because of my slowly slipping away from God has it cost me happiness in my life? Sure I have the temporary happiness, I've gone and still do go to bars on occasions but in the end which is this present moment it's like I'm over that phase and I find myself standing all alone cause no one can relate with me. If I turn to the church they look down on what I've done and if I turn to my friends most of them aren't religious and don't understand what I'm going through. My friends are still there enjoying themselves and I'm there thinking why do I still do this. No it's not because I search for approval among my group of friends it's just that there isn't much else to do that I could call fun. It's like I want to give up this life I have now and turn back to when my life as a child was innocent and the choices weren't mine to screw up.
I know that the present is my destiny and the past I can not change, so I shouldn't sit here regretting anything that I've done for the mere fact that everything was suppose to happen due to destiny, and destiny is what shapes the person we are today. The past is what helps us face the future, it's what enables us to move on from where we've screwed up or left off.
I have faith in myself to make the right judgments and choices in my future, but what I fear is my capability to stick by them. If one doesn't have morals then where does the line fall between things being acceptable and non acceptable?
I don't fear for one second that God is with me and hasn't turned his back on me, for I've done a lot of stupid things where it could have gone wrong, but only by the grace of God he didn't let anything happen to me. I believe I'm still here for the mere reason that my mission on earth isn't complete. I try to understand why I value life so much as oppose to time, for time is what prolongs life. I've yet to come up with something but when I do you'll be the first to know.
I believe that the future holds change and that change within it's self is never limited but endless of possibilities and that our faults aren't entirely to be blamed on us but the fact that destiny is what guides us whether we embrace it or not.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for the road that lies a head but I pray Lord that you will forgive my sins............. For I know that my journey will lead me back to you.

Love or something like it

How is it that there are so many meanings for the word love yet more than half the population want this word to mean the same thing?. Why can't we just put our own meaning definition to love? What is it about these words that makes one quiver? How is it that this phrase I love you can turn someone off so fast yet turn another on?

How do we find ourselves in the position of being incapable of loving? I always thought it was in everyone. How are we unable to make the person we love feel the same way about us? What is it about this emotion that drives people to do crazy things? If love is suppose to be a good thing why do we find so many people killing there spouse, significant other in the name of love? If this is love then I don't want it, I don't want to be near it, I don't want to hear it, and I sure as hell don't want to have someone love me that way. I guess you could say I'm scared not of the word its self but of what it implies. What happens if someone should say I love you..... And we find ourselves not feeling that way about the person? What should happen next? Why do so many people think that when they love someone the other person should feel the same way about them, and when they find out they don't the relationship is ruined? For all of you out there who apply with this let me tell you something love is the feeling you posses, it's what you should feel towards that person no matter what happens whether they say I love you or not. It is not to be based on whether the other person says it to you. It could just be that they haven't reached that point and you have reached it there sooner in the relationship than they have. If they're to love you they will when they reach that point, not because you have said the words to them but because they actually are ready to take the next step.
Why is it that some of us fear love? I believe it to be because with loving someone comes the part of being vulnerable by giving part of yourself to that person who has captured this emotion. It may not be easy to give up this part of you to someone who may or may not understand where your coming from because they have different insights on things, but just consider that they have given up just as much of themselves to you as you have for them. The relationship is only as good as the giver puts into it, and you get out of it what you put in. I can see people fearing the words I love you because there are to many people in this world who use it frivolously, in some sense only to get someone to sleep with them.
What is love suppose to feel like? I mean I've often thought to myself is it possible to love someone whom you've never been in a relationship with and I'm talking about deeply loving them not the friendship kind of love? What kind of sensation comes along with loving someone? Am I suppose to put my own meaning/sensation to love so if I happen to get dizzy every time I see this person is that my own sign sensation to myself that I love them? I just don't get it..... People always tell me when it happens you'll know, and what happens if I miss it? Now how is this suppose to happen if I don't have am outline on what kind of sensation I should be feeling? See this is what it boils down to society tells us how we should feel and what kind of sensation comes with every kind of feeling such as when you get mad, sad, angry, happy, overjoyed etc... Except they don't tell you what sensation your suppose to feel when your actually in love. In the dictionary it tells you what you should feel but it doesn't tell you what sensation comes with loving someone. Is love suppose to be shown physically or just as an emotion? I suppose I could go on and on about something I have never experienced and get no where or I could just wait to see if one day I'll recognize love instead of understanding it. I leave you with this, I don't doubt for one second that there is love out there for all of us, it's up to us to find it and embrace it. We can't forever be afraid to love someone in fear, but be ready to love someone knowing there may be consequences and down falls to come with it. "Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself." ~ by Leo Buscaglia ~